Marginalized people often are prevented from knowing really important things. Things that they need to know in order to live in the world.
Some conversations about things like privilege and oppression are primarily conversations between marginalized people about how to notice what’s going on and live well in a world that hates them.
These are not the same kinds of conversation as general talk about the nature of privilege or how the world works. They’re also not the same as conversations that are oriented towards getting powerful people to care about the problems of marginalized people.
Sometimes, conversations are for peer support and work done between people who are directly affected by an issue. Sometimes they’re for people who need to understand what’s going on in a particular case, without having to explain from the beginning that the issue exists.
And often, those conversations get derailed by privileged people who assume that the conversation has space for them. (Sometimes, very well meaning privileged people who don’t understand that what they are doing is harmful.)
For instance, here’s a way it can play out:
- Some disabled people are talking about body image or feeling physically repulsive after an instance of discrimination
- Then someone comes and says “Hi, I’m wanting to check my able-bodied privilege here. I’ve never heard of this. Why do you feel that way?”
- This can be really derailing and make the problem impossible to discuss, even if the person means well
- Because sometimes you need to discuss these things with people who understand and can have insightful things to say *based on already understanding certain things*
- And it can be really emotionally exhausting to need emotional, intellectual, and conceptual support, and then be interrupted by people who don’t understand and might be skeptical
- Sometimes, you just want to know that you’re not alone
- Sometimes you need to talk to people who have been there and can help you to understand it and to bear it
- People talking about something doesn’t mean they have to be up for talking about the thing with everyone who is interested
- It doesn’t mean that they have to be up for discussing it with every *well meaning* person who is interested, either
- Sometimes that’s not even possible, particularly when just starting to think about and articulate the problem is terrifying and draining (which is really common, especially for people who have never had peer support before and are under attack constantly.)
It’s not always easy to tell which kind of conversation it is, but when marginalized people from a group you’re not part of are talking about something awful they’re dealing with, it’s important to be mindful of the possibility that this is not a conversation you should be participating in.
Some approaches I think help:
- If a blog tells you that it’s for a certain group, and you’re not a member of that group, don’t weigh in on its threads
- If someone tells you to get off their thread on Tumblr, it’s usually important to do so, particularly if it originated from a personal blog
- If you see a conversation that looks like it might be oriented towards people personally experiencing the thing or who have back, and you want to ask a question, ask privately first
- And ask if it’s ok to ask a question about the thing and *be prepared to take no for an answer*
Usual standard note when I’m discussing this topic: This is not that kind of blog - this is a public blog and it’s not for any group in particular. You can ask anything here that you’re sincerely interested it, and it’s ok to comment on things. I reblog things I see when I want to respond or boost; I answer asks when I feel like I have something to say.
But group-specific blogs, spaces, and conversations very much do need to exist, and it’s important to respect that.
Gonna casually die of shame now never drunk texting again
Burlesque afterparty was absolutely crazy and like there are things I remember and things I don’t and absolutely zero regrets
I actually cannot believe this kid tried to say Asian people weren’t discriminated as badly as Latin@ people. They are not comparable. My understanding of affirmative action is that it’s meant to help groups that are typically discriminated against, but Asian people are still discriminated against in US society, and affirmative action isn’t looking at that bc it’s looking at test scores and incomes of Asians as a whole without taking into account that there are different types of Asians. The model minority erases Asian American experiences by promoting them as white but treating them as less, because white society can’t afford to be overshadowed.
I’m pretty simple. I like hand holding and rough sex.
So accurate so so accurate…
Real shit tho….
I say fuck what society says and keep doin ya thing…
I remember someone in twitter tried to debate me on this.
I re blogged this once, but I will do it again, but because it’s painfully accurate.
Best reaction ever after hooking up: “Oh man, now I don’t have to go to the gym tomorrow! This is perfect! Thank you so much, this means the world to me!”
White people: the only race with natural blonde, red and brunette hair.…that aren’t albino.
Oh wait what-
Ooh Africa and Asia??
And here’s the brunette, which actually could serve as a little redhead if you want.
Y’know, if you did your research instead of sitting on your ass being a shit racist bitch, then you would know that each and every redhead gene, or brunette or blonde gene is in everyone.
Also, you failed to even provide accurate pictures of Blonde, Red, and Brunette. The first one is black, blonde and orange (most likely dyed) and the second picture is well…a dingey nasty grey, dyed red hair and black.
Here’s a new motto
White race: The only collective amount of people with the same skin color that constantly try and oppress as many people as possible.
Now go be stupid/ignorant/racist somewhere else.
The only way they could have blonde or red hair, is they’ve got white in them somewhere down the line. Probably nordic, Nordics where bad people in the past. Other then that it’s impossible for non-whites to have blonde, red hair. If you see a black person with light skin and blue eyes and both parents are pure black, it’s because a gene of white was passed down, even if it was from 150 years back. Read about it, I have and I know my facts. Nice try though. ;)
It’s not impossible. Do your research. I did some for you.
Interestingly, contrary to popular belief, redheads weren’t just located in Northern Europe throughout history. In fact, there were pockets of peoples all over the world that had red hair. From Russia to China to certain groups of Jews and many others; there are even references to indicate there were indigenous peoples of Africa with bright red hair.
Well… agree to disagree, I’m not falling for it. I’ve read that it’s passed down by Caucasian genes. It’s like a 1 out of 10 chance for non-whites to have blonde and red hair naturally.
"I’m not falling for it" wow. That’s EXACTLY the problem, that mindset right there.
Some white folks will do the utmost of mental acrobatics to get their whiteness to be right all the time. Fact is… You evolved from blackness, science has shown that hair color is not specific to race. LAWD WHY JESUS!
Okay! For blonde hair even to be a possibility, the genetic potential had to be in those awful Black genes that actually started humanity.
jfc what’s killing is the fact that they even said “Caucasian genes”
Lemme say that again
Does anyone know what a folk taxonomy is? A social classification that has no biological evidence to back it up. RACES AREN’T EVEN FUCKING BIOLOGICALLY REAL THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS CAUCASIAN GENES.
There is the genetic drift of different ethnic individuals, but that’s based on these ethnicities having some general range of features that is typical, but not exact, to them. WE ALL HAVE THE GENETIC CAPACITY TO BE FUCKING BLONDE OR BLUE EYED OR HAVE SIX FUCKING FINGERS/TOES OR WHATEVER. They just don’t express themselves, because genes work in this complicated way where we all have a lot of the same genes that require other genes to express or suppress them. And there are certain genes that evolve and express themselves in different ways. When one white person as green eyes and another white person has green eyes they most definitely could have two different genes expressing the same phenotype.
So Ignorant-Racist-White-Supremacist, white people or Caucasians or whatever do not hold “white genes” because we’re all a part of the same fucking species and mostly the same genetic capacity and races aren’t some weird biologically separate set of subspecies, and P-fucking-S like everyone above said WE ALL EVOLVED FROM AFRICAN EARLY HOMONIDS/HUMANS WE DID NOT EVOLVE SEPARATELY IN DIFFERENT AREAS OF THE EARTH ALONE WE CAME FROM FUCKING AFRICA AND WALKED OUR ASSES OUT THROUGH NORTH/EAST AFRICA AND SETTLED AROUND THE WORLD AS THE SAME HUMAN FUCKING SPECIES SO SINCE WE ALL COME FROM THE SAME HUGE HOMO SAPIEN GENE POOL THERE ARE GONNA BE NON-WHITE PEOPLE WITH BLONDE FUCKING HAIR THAT THEY DIDN’T GET FROM WHITE PEOPLE
I just get so fucking sick of white people acting like if someone not-white has something they like, it had to have already come from white people. Like really? Do you realize how outnumbered you guys are in your shitty white/non-white binary? 7 billion motherfucking people on the planet, literally most of them being non-white, and you think white people are the special little snow flakes with “naturally” blonde or red hair (not to mention the fact that you discount albino people even though that is just as natural since it fucking occurred in the natural world even if it’s through a genetic defect. Like it’s still fucking genetic and it literally proves that all people can be any fucking color it’s just that certain genes change shit up).
get the fuck out of here
**I want to emphasize that I know next to nothing about genetics and this is the bare fucking minimum basics of how it works that I’m operating off of. Which makes racist OP even more of an ignorant ass.
when-all-of-the-embers-fell asked: hello! i saw your post about people fawning over jlaw and i was just wondering why that is what is wrong with feminism? ahh oh gosh i hope that doesn't come out wrong i was just curious about the meaning behind the post :)
Jlaw is another cis het yt woman whose done nothing remarkable or groundbreaking apart from be cast in a whitewashed version of the Hunger Games, make jokes about pizza and occasionally swear?
Meanwhile we have WOC out here who are breaking boundaries and staking claims for other WOC every damn day and no one notices or cares because omg lets find another cute white grl who can get away with pizza jokes.
Also JLAW has said some problematic things but her fans never seem to acknowledge that nor do they acknowledge how fuckjng problematic and racist it is that she’s playing Katniss. She is the living breathing example that white ppl only need to half as much to get 1000 times as far.
Or a playstation or a flat screen TV or a newer car, etc and etc. I know people that work under the table for half their pay and get paid on the books for the rest and collect welfare. I know of drug dealers that collect for tax purposes even though they pull in thousands of untaxed money each month dealing. Tell me how I am not supposed to be upset with these people like I am with greedy corporate cronies? I’m not heartless. These people are selfish and unethical.
Except not everyone who has nice things is automatically cheating the system. People are given things as gifts. People buy things and THEN qualify for assistance. People save up for nice things.
You can’t assume what someone’s situation is just by what they own.
We were eating only donated Panera bread, rice, and turnips. My father was sneaking to the various blood banks in town to sell his plasma at twice the rate they allow. My mother was dying due to not having her medicine, which cost well over $1,200 a month after insurance.
My autistic baby brother wanted to do something nice for me.
He worked for months making custom art pieces to sell. He worked up courage despite crippling social anxiety and speech problems to ask the neighbors if he could do chores for them to earn more money - raking the yard, helping clean their house, walking their dogs.
For nine months he carefully hoarded his money in a jar in his bedroom. He counted it every single night and compared it to the cost of what he wanted to get for me for Christmas.
Finally he had enough. He bought me a DS Lite and a pokemon game.
He was so happy.
Until one of our neighbors, a highly conservative jackass, saw me with it outside a couple weeks later. My brother was with me.
The neighbor stormed up and became screaming at us, a pair of teenagers, over how we could be so selfish to spend money on “electronic shit” when we were a family on food stamps. Spittle flying from his lips, cuss words every other second, rage radiating off of him so violently that our father came running out of the house - at a limp, since his spine is broken, which causes him horrific daily pain beyond what I can imagine - to protect us.
My brother was never the same again. There is no happy ending here. That episode in his life changed him permanently and for the past seven years he has almost never left his room and never gone to a friend’s house. He is terrified of the neighbors and believes he is a bad person.
Because of fucking people like you OP.
Because of fuckers who believe that they know what life is like for everyone and have a right to judge.
So fuck you OP. If you know drug dealers, report them, go on and put your ass on the line then. But for fuck’s sake don’t you dare thing you understand what goes on in the life of the people who live in never-ending, grinding poverty. Because you have *no fucking clue* what goes on in the detailed lives of others.
You want to talk selfish? Look in the fucking mirror.
This is an important post.
that time Bill O Reily was shocked and appalled that poor people could afford *gasp* A TV AND A FRIDGE IN THEIR APT?
and went on a rant saying these ppl shouldn’t be on welfare because they have a plasma tv and fridge because obviously poor people need to not have tvs and fridge because poor ppl should be storing their food underground in holes and draw on walls with stones and sticks for entertainment.
When I was a child on welfare, eating rotten lunch meat, walking in shoes with cardboard in the bottoms to cover the holes, I had an extensive collection of My Little Ponies. Not “one or two horses”; over three hundred, all told, and almost all the major playsets. Maybe, oh, 10% of the total came from my mother, over the course of the eight years I spent collecting and living with her. The rest were gifts from family members who didn’t know about our situation, but knew from Gramma’s chatty “everything is fine” letters that I loved My Little Pony. They were from the charity groups that let you sign up and specify what your children wanted for Christmas. They were from me saving every penny I found on the street. They were from favorite teachers who knew how poor we were, who wanted me to have birthday happiness. We’re talking thousands of dollars of plastic horses, almost none of which took a dime from Mom’s budget. And the ones that did? She was a mother trying not to break her daughter’s heart.
Every time someone yelled at us because poor people shouldn’t have nice things, we all died a little inside, and I clutched my horses even harder. I needed something bright and beautiful in the world, to make up for the roaches in the walls and the mold growing on the butter.
Unless you’re someone’s accountant, you don’t know where they’re putting their money, and it’s not your place to judge.
I am right at my fucking limit for judgemental shitstainery today. I just. I fucking CANNOT with these assholes.
Firstly, POVERTY IS NOT A FUCKING BINARY STATE. You aren’t either “poor” or “not-poor”, with absolutely zero middle ground between. Ceasing to be poor isn’t like a fucking Pokemon evolution - you don’t just shed that shit like a snakeskin and turn into a whole new being in seconds. Ceasing to be poor, especially in the face of severe social and economic pressure, is hard fucking yakka, and it happens slowly, in increments, over time, without sudden lottery-style explosions of new money but frequently featuring disappointing setbacks, and that means small things can improve before the big things do - like, for instance, being able to afford a shiny new phone to replace the dying one you’ve been stuck with for the past two years before you can afford to go off welfare. This sort of logic also ignores the idea that you can BECOME poor and still have around you the trappings of previous better-offness, like quality appliances. As convenient as it would be for the kind of troglodyte who likes to judge by appearances, becoming poor doesn’t mean you have to go hand in all your cool shit at the pawnshop, not least because a lot of that stuff - like functioning fridges and dryers, for instance - will SAVE YOU MONEY when you really need it later.
Secondly, anyone who thinks that poor people are fundamentally undeserving of luxury or treats or pleasure-buying or anything else that might alleviate the enormous fucking strain of being poor - because any departure from subsistence-level living means you’re an Eebil Welfare Slobqueen! - can go FALL IN A WELL AND DIE. I am fucking serious: if you, financially secure douchebag, have EVER gone and bought yourself a treat in order to make yourself feel better after a shitty day - if you’ve picked up some feelgood chocolate, or a new game, or a pricey bag, or a toy, or even something as simple as a taxi ride rather than a bus ticket because it was raining and you couldn’t face the queue - then you can SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER about the immortality if feelgood purchasing by people with less money than you. Because what you’re saying, when you sit down and police what people can and cannot buy, and the circumstances under which they buy it - what you’re saying is that poor people ARE NOT ENTITLED TO EMOTIONAL SECURITY; ARE NOT ENTITLED TO COMFORT; ARE NOT ENTITLED TO JOY, because they should be too busy scraping by with every fucking penny they have to notice that scraping by is utterly fucking soul-destroying.
Thirdly, a lot of the things you’re deeming “luxury” items? ARE FUCKING NECESSARY FOR GETTING ONESELF OUT OF POVERTY. Let’s see you try to jobhunt without a working phone or internet access. Let’s see you try to grocery shop on a budget for a family of four with no car and a freezer that’s just big enough for a couple of ice cube trays. Let’s see you keep yourself looking professionally presentable and your children schoolready when you’re handwashing all your clothes in the bath and hanging them out to dry on the radiator you can’t afford to turn on half the time, because your tiny income means choosing between warmth and medication.
What you’re doing, OP - you and other privileged assholes like you - is assuming that poverty is somehow EASY; that there’s no emotional, psychological toll to it that might ever need to be alleviated - not for adults, and especially not for children, because the children of poor people don’t deserve happy childhoods; presumably, they should just get jobs and work for their toys, as though this were Dickensian fucking England. You see objects, but not the sacrifice behind obtaining them; to you, objects have no context, no significance beyond their cost and status value, because THAT’S ALL THEY MEAN TO YOU. I used to work for a government department in Australia that provided free fridges and washing machines to people on welfare whose own had broken, and which they couldn’t afford to replace. I rang one woman to tell her that her fridge request had been approved, and she was literally fighting back tears of relief - not only had she been spending extra money she couldn’t afford buying groceries day to day, because all the food was spoiling without anywhere to keep it cool, but she’d been having to keep her young kids from realising just how bad things were, too - she’d told them they were having Ramadan early, fasting early, to explain why there was no food all of a sudden, and she didn’t know how much longer she could keep it up. I approved a washing machine for a single father who was struggling to keep his children out of foster homes after their mother, who had been their primary caregiver, was arrested; he needed one for the social workers to let him keep his kids, but was between jobs and didn’t have enough cash to replace the one that broke.
tl;dr: THERE IS NO ‘RIGHT’ WAY TO BE POOR, BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING RIGHT ABOUT POVERTY. STOP POLICING POVERTY WITH YOUR MADE-UP FUCKING CHECKLIST OF RULES, AS THOUGH IT’S SOME COVETED, ADVANTAGE-CONFERRING CLUB THAT LAZY PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SNEAK INTO INSTEAD OF A DIFFICULT, HEARTBREAKING, LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION. YOU DUMBASS.
Shit like this always boils down to the following: “How dare you try to live.”
Yeah, seriously. Don’t people have their own fucking lives to worry about instead of policing what “poor” people are owning? GTFO.
Y’all I’m totes not drunk rn love you bbys
Anonymous asked: Just wondering, when you say "white people" as in "white people think this" etc.. Do you mean white racists or every white person?
From the FAQ:Do you hate white people?
Let me tell you something, if all of the horrible, disgusting, things white people have done to everyone else on this earth for power didn’t make me hate them, their response to people of color talking about racism fucking would, especially this kind of response. It’s not about you, it was never about you, it was because of you. I only talk about “white people” when I’m talking about the systematic oppression they’ve inflicted on everybody else.
And then, considering the fact that “white” is a construct created by white supremacy to give their kin privilege, money, and power- saying “I hate white people” is so much more about the disgusting system that created it than the actual human beings with white privilege themselves
After all of the horrible, horrible things that have happened and still happen this is what you’re worried about!?! Yourself?! If you were in my place, if you were aware of all the history, the colonization, the intentional assassination of any chance people of color have had to come back from all of this destruction and pain, and someone did what you just did you would lose your mind. And you would hate them. If you knew, if you had ever seen what I’ve seen, you would say you hate white people too.